Just when I think I’ve got this life under control, things slip just a bit & I feel myself falling into darkness. I can’t seem to apply the brakes and I know it’s coming… the darkness. It’s right there at the edges of the light and has begun to bleed into all the happy moments.
And with the darkness comes the pain and the shame. I’ve been months without falling back to the blade, but the pull now is Painfully strong. I can’t go to the store because I obsess about ‘that area’ and I just can’t tempt myself. I do my best not to be alone for fear the time alone will give me opportunities I can’t afford.
So I lay in bed every night plotting ways to avoid what is coming… Because it just a matter of time.