I’m so exhausted of this weight around my neck… this weight of darkness. I’d like to say my days have been filled with joy and happiness of the upcoming excitement of my daughter’s upcoming high school graduation, but I simply can’t pull myself from the weight of my own depression that seems to have attached itself from my legs, neck and waist dragging down. It’s completely relentless.
I just wish there were at least moments I could pull myself above the murky waters above to at least FAKE it, but these days I can’t. Finding funding for university has proven to be impossible and seeing myself as the parent that can’t provide for my child who has done HER part is such a beating… it’s all just too much. I can’t escape those old thoughts that being “gone” makes me far more valuable than being here.
The weight….
but my daughter deserves a beautiful graduation.
I hate depression.
Wandering Thru The Wilderness 
I’m so sad for you over this. As parents, doing the best for our children is what can bring us the most joy, and is or at least seems to be, the most important thing for us to do. But when we are trying to live with depression, these things, the problems and our own feelings, can rise up against us, and we feel we can’t do anything. I hope you can get enough assistance to help you to fight against what is holding you down.